Gratitude

March 14, 2016

"It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy."

Psalm 92:1-4

One on one time is so important for relationships, particularly with your children. It can be easy to get lost in the shuffle of things while in a full house. I am definitely guilty of this. Going for a walks has become a favorite activity for one of my daughters. I absolutely love this time together. Of course, the budding of spring time makes this an even more enjoyable experience.

The other day, while on one of our walks, I decided to ask a few difficult questions. The questions went something to this effect:

Do you struggle with the idea of your adoption?

How does it make you feel when you remember things?

Do you remember things from your past?

Asking questions like these can be difficult for a couple of reasons. First, it can bring an array of memories and emotions to light. Early childhood trauma is a serious thing. Children who have been adopted have experienced trauma, particularly older children. My Ukrainian born children experienced abuse and neglect during their 4 to 9 years before coming home. Those are things we continue to work through.

Another reason pertains to being prepared for the effects of the response. I want my children to feel comfortable and free to process their emotions in a safe environment. I need to guard my heart from not taking their responses personally. There have been times when their words have pierced my heart. There have been times when I've fought back tears. There have been times where I've had to leave our conversations, find a corner, and weep.

So, I steadied myself in anticipation of her response. After pondering for a moment, she continued our conversation:

"I get sad when I think about it."

"What makes you sad about it?"

"Well, whenever I think about the village," she let out a small laugh before inserting, "that's what I call it, I think about being left there."

"Are you talking about when you lived at the orphanage?"

"Yes. When I remember it, I get sad for all the children who are left there and get sad at the thought of what it would have been like to have never been adopted."

We didn't talk long on the subject, as we experienced multiple distractions like crossing streets, avoiding cars, and admiring wildlife. In fact, our conversation flowed contentedly from one subject to another and sometimes back again.

Later that evening I shared our conversation with my husband. Once I got to the end of the story I could barely choke out the words through my tears. He, the family wordsmith, conjured the words to describe what I was feeling, "Gratitude." She was expressing gratitude. Who knew her expressing would indict my heart in such a way? The Lord in his kindness was calling me to repentance from my own ungrateful heart.

Thank you, Lord, for the gift of my family who continually teach me about your mercies that are new every morning! Thank you, Heavenly Father, for adopting me as a daughter. May I be a grateful person, by the help of your spirit, in both the trials and joys of this life!