Brokenness Aside

Parenting children from broken pasts can have moments of great joy, as well as moments of great heartache.  Sunday afternoon lunch was one of those latter experiences.  While Tony hurried with two of our crew in tow for a soccer game immediately following church, I took our other three home with a 12-pack taco box in hand from Taco Bell.  As the four of us sat around the kitchen table talking, my youngest daughter starting crying seemingly out of the blue.  She began to share that it bothers her when her classmates repeatedly ask her if she is adopted.  As she recounted what those times tend to look like around the school cafeteria table, she then blurted out, "I mean, what kind of mom just gives her child away?!."  

My oldest son, who remembers quite a bit from his first nine years of life in Ukraine, responded quickly, patiently and kindly, "She didn't give us away.  She just couldn't take care of us.  We were taken away because of that."  He also interjected that he gets asked all the time if he is adopted, where he is from, why he is different...that, yes, it is annoying sometimes...and those who continue to bother her aren't really her friends...

Sometimes these moments of grief come out of nowhere.  Sometimes my heart feels as if it will burst under the weight of it.  

I fought to reign over my own emotions... I confess, there are moments that I wish the pain did not exist...that we could just forget the brokenness and just live forward...as if those early years for them never happened... Sometimes I even forget we became a family through adoption...I simply feel our children were always ours...but they weren't...they all came from broken pasts...from abuse and neglect...death...abandonment...  

As she processed a little out loud, we waited patiently and listened intently...before speaking to the pain...

"Your biological mother didn't give you up because she didn't love you.  Sin and brokenness led to her inability to care for you.  I have no doubt that she loved you."

To which my oldest promptly, gently and confidently added, "She did love us.  She just couldn't take care of us."

"I am sorry for your pain.  It is ok to grieve over your beginnings. It is a good thing to talk about these things. But, know that God is good.  I pray He would bring healing and redemption to your biological parents wherever they may be.  He is a good God... and He even adopted us!  In the midst of our sin and brokenness, God sent Jesus to die for us, conquer our greatest enemy which is death, reconcile us to Himself, and live as sons and daughters."

No longer able to restrain the tears from falling, I added, "God kept me from being able to have babies so that I could be your mom.  I am so thankful I get to be mom to each of you.  I would not trade that for the world!"

More tears.  Heartache.  A whisper of God's promises...

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Joy.  Peace.  Love.  Hope.  

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.  Praise the LORD!" Psalm 113:9

"For your steadfast love is great above the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the clouds." Psalm 108:4

"For our sake He made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

We cried some more together.  We put our food away and made our way upstairs for some quiet time.  I pulled my youngest daughter into an embrace and whispered through more tears, "Each of you are very special to me, but you are extra special to me..."

All of my other children have some memory of their mom (with the exception of Joshua whose mother died shortly after having him).  Victoria was a baby when she was taken and put in a baby hospital.  She has no memories of her biological mother.  She came home to us at age 4.

"You are extra special to me because I get to be the only mom you remember."

I realize that that is a selfish thing to think or say, I know.  And, I told her.  But it's true.  There is a unique bond between us because she was in such a state upon our time to bring her home... sensory issues...fits of rage from neglect...never having been held, comforted, rocked...what grace and healing has taken place... I pray that the Lord of all comfort, strength, power and might would continue to grant His peace and provision in her life and each of my children's little hearts and minds... God is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine (Phil.3:20-21)... praise be to His glorious grace!

O for grace to trust Him more!

May He take brokenness aside and make it beautiful!



Will your grace run out
If I let you down
‘Cause all I know
Is how to run

‘Cause I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Will you call me child
When I tell you lies
Cause all I know
Is how to cry

I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful

Bridge:
You make it beautiful
You make it beautiful
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/all-sons-daughters/brokenness-aside-lyrics/#M6EwRQzFi5TvAhrq.99

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